The Middle

From top left: Tony, Greg, Steve, (next row down) Sarah, Cara, Chris, (last row) Marty, Mom, Dad, Matt, and Jeff our last gathering for my dad’s 80th birthday in October 2022.

A few months back, I spoke with my partner. We had been coordinating something through text when he said, “I’m sorry to put you in the middle of this.” I chuckled and replied, “I’m born to be in the middle!” I truly mean it, both literally and figuratively.

As the middle child in a family of nine, I’m also the middle girl among six brothers—three older and three younger. See? I was destined for the middle!

My family often jokes about my middle child syndrome, which sparked little rebellions along the way; it was the only way to gain attention in a big family! I can now articulate that middle child syndrome refers to a set of traits commonly attributed (whether rightly or wrongly) to those born in the middle of siblings. To what extent does a person's birth order influence their personality, family dynamics, relationships, and even career paths? I don’t know, but whether it's correlation or causation, here are some widely recognized middle-child traits:

•Independence, self-reliant, comfortable acting solo

• Skilled at making friends, negotiating, and mediating

• Competitive, always striving to stand out and gain attention

• Flexible and open to compromise

• Peacemaking, acts as a mediator, values fairness

• Risk-taking, open to new experiences, sometimes rebellious

• Forms deep friendships outside the family

• Often feels overlooked or unheard, which may lead to lower self-esteem or feelings of alienation

I’m not a researcher, but my experience of being a middle child over the past fifty years, in family, friendships, romantic relationships, and my professional life, speaks volumes. I've often found myself negotiating (or sometimes yelling) for space in the family, developing independence and adaptability early on; I learned to rely on only one person: myself. This trait has been mostly advantageous, although it has its downsides. I can feel invisible sometimes, which comes from being like a single player during a basketball game! I swing between seeking attention (see above: rebellion) and desiring harmony to avoid conflict. Consequently, I’ve become an effective communicator and mediator who leans toward being a peacemaker, frequently bridging gaps between not only siblings and parents, but also between employees and leaders.

What I’ve read about middle children aligns closely with how I navigate life, interact with others, search for meaning, and find purpose. If I were to encapsulate that meaning, it would be about connection. The adaptability and diplomatic skills I honed as a middle child are valuable in my workplace: I excel as a team player, thrive in collaboration, and deftly manage all kinds of office “little p politics.”

Enjoy exploring birth order…and don’t even get me started on only children! (wink)