Making cookies

Not mine, but its quite the distraction, isn’t it?

One of my favorite things to do in college was to make cookies. I took my time with my higher education journey, and it took me nearly ten years to earn my Bachelor’s degree. Back to cookies! The chocolate chip cookie was my specialty, and I had (according to me) mastered both the art and the science of the round morsel. The process of measuring, mixing, scraping, scooping, smelling, and waiting was a ritual. Making cookies felt like a piece of joy tucked in the middle of my evening, a comforting harbor of scents and sweetness.

Too many years later, I now understand that “making cookies” was my way of distracting myself and part of a lifelong coping strategy for when the work (personal or professional) becomes difficult, complex, or overwhelming. Patterns continue, either purposefully or not, until you become aware of them, and I’ve carried this pattern since childhood. What has changed is my awareness; until now, I was blind to my motives. Thankfully, I’m becoming very aware of where I have focused my attention and where my energy has been distracted and scattered.

And boy, am I an expert at making cookies—specifically, distracting myself. Between the isolation during the pandemic, personal stress, menopause, and a myriad of other distractions, I know I get distracted more than I used to. During my research on the topic, it became clear that some distractions are beneficial, while many others are not.

After the recent illness and subsequent death of my father, I’ve spent a lot of time processing not just the loss of my dad but also, more existentially, the nature of our precious life. When I dig into that mental dirt, I ask myself: What am I doing with the time I have left? If I answer that question honestly, I realize that I give distractions too much space, which keeps me too busy to focus on my actual goals as a mother, daughter, sister, partner, and business owner.

Some listening I’ve enjoyed on the topic of (along with conversations with my therapist) includes Andrew Huberman’s Huberman Lab podcast on Improving Focus and Mel Robbins’ podcast on Habits to Wake Up Focused, Recharged, and In Control.